The Magic Mariposa Lily

I slipped up on instinct in the ocean again last Thursday. Yes, she schooled me again. I had to go help S take care of DZ but negotiated to meet her at N’s house by the time DZ’s afternoon nap was over, if I could take a few waves at Colony. S always feels I’m more calm after a nice surf so she agreed. The forecast was 3 to 4 foot so I brought my 7’6” twinnie which is lighter and faster than my 7’ 10” single fin. It also needs a bit more wave size to really work – so I was all set to catch a fun 45 minute session and show up for DZ all calm and fun Popso style. The tide was a bit high when I padded out and there was some rippling backwash but I managed to get a few peaky rights in the first 20 minutes. The tide was dropping so I paddled a bit further out expecting to take two set waves and get out of the water – but the ocean had other plans. The swell suddenly subsided. I waited patiently for ten minutes and luckily caught a 3 ft. left, I decided I would ride to the beach and get out of the water but the second section died out before I was even close to the shore. What did instinct tell me? Paddle in the rest of the way D. You will be early for DZ and S will be pleased. What did I do? I paddled back out to get another one, hopefully a 4 ft. set wave to keep a warm smile on my face on the drive into West Hollywood. What happened? I sat in the water for another twenty-five minutes, paddling into small soft waves that took me nowhere. I yelled out to the horizon; Why are you playing tricks on me!

The Ocean replied: Instincts, D instincts, you know how to follow them.

I ended up having to body board in on a tiny dribbler and being late for S and DZ. I took him out to my car, showed him my surfboard and he slapped it. “No Popso!”

He is a little too smart for his age. I shook off my rough around the edges from a self-imposed lame surf session. I remembered that 4 ft waves were forecasted for all next week and there will be plenty of redeeming days. DZ and I did somersaults in the back yard, and looked for crickets and rolly pollies. I snuck him wild blackberries and pieces of his favorite dried mango. But while we were watching some Winnie the Pooh, I got the wounded bear lost in the woods call from my client. D, it’s not really working out with the sexy sober chick. I need you to come back to the desert, please. Can you some Saturday?

I had a bit of a resentful, frustrated hike up Leo Carrillo this morning because I was packed and ready when my wonderful lost-in-the sauce- Guy sent a text; Can you come Sunday now. I’m going to try her out for one more day…

I supposed he hired her, most likely in hopes she would assist him in the nude. My job is always so wildly unpredictable, anything can happen and expectation it the biggest trap- which I still fall into. I always surprises me that I do but the term – live and learn – seemingly never goes away.

So my hike up Leo was a bit rushed. My trail shoes were marching over the hard caked mud and gravel as I was thinking, I need a little magic on this trek. Help me mother nature. Show me some kind of sign, please.

The faded wild flowers gave me no sign. The bent over dried stalks of mustard seeds gave me only scratches on my legs. I saw some remaining wilted firecracker flowers with their former red flames too diminished to share any greetings with me other than; We are just hanging on D until we die. Check in next spring…

I started reliving my sad surf session trying to change it in my mind, where I caught a racy 4 ft plus right all the way to the sand. That lasted for about fifty dusty steps further up. I kept my eyes out for a nice fat rattler on the trail or a big hairy tarantula or a five foot long ribbon snake: something to put me in the awe of the moment – but all I saw was more sun parched plants and a few withering Yuccas, loosing their once luscious white custard flowers. Of course the thinking does set in:

I have to go back to the desert- which I’m not even sure of – and will miss all next weeks’ waves if I do – but I need to go to keep paying the bills – and I best remain grateful – and…and…and….please mother nature show me, show me, show me…

Slogging to the top of the precipice, I knew the view over the pacific would soothe me. I would return to the moment. I would experience grace and gratitude and once again know expectation is a trap. My breathing became more even. I looked out onto the expansive aqua blue. I raised my arms high into the bright blue skies and said, Thank you. Thank you, thank you thank you. As I began my walk back down, with more acceptance and peace of mind, I heard in a soft sweet ethereal voice:

‘Hey, D, over here…’

I looked over towards a dried up, straw colored sagebrush and saw the most beautiful mariposa lily, popping out of it. I walked closer, bent over and was drawn into the light, purple/pink pedals, spread out like a butterfly (which is the English translation of mariposa) with bright yellow threads inside, dotted with soft reds and the plump yellow/white center staring up at me, almost commanding; there are no words for this D – just look and feel and be with me ---

I took it all in and melted into the magic mariposa. I don’t even know if my feet touched the trail on the way down. I had let go of the expected and was gifted with the unexpected. Yes, live and learn, live and learn, live and learn ---