Live Roses

I have surfed for five days in a row: at County Line, Colony and Heavens. It has literally been like heaven to get up, mediate, eat my raisin toast smeared with banana and peanut butter and two medjool dates on the side, drink a nice coffee with whole milk and – go surf. The lower tides, which are preferable for the breaks I like, worked in the morning all this week with 3 to 4 ft each day, so I have been able to surf, come back before 10 am, and go to son N’s house with S to hang with DZ. He has a little sibling bun in his mamma H’s oven, ready to come out so we have been there every day to take care of DZ while she and N go to various doctor visits. The baby could come any day this or next week. I’m grateful we can be there for our family. I surf with this one dude, G at the Colony. He is 36 years old. G is a big guy and loves to make fun of me when I say, I should get special preference in the water because of my age. “Hey! Everybody!” He says. “It’s drop in on seniors day! Keep your eyes on D and burn him!” He laughs and laughs but in reality he always calls me into waves. “Go D! Go! Paddle you old fucker!”

G has two young kids. His own dad lives in France but his wife’s dad lives here and G tells me the grandpop never has and never does come over to watch the kids. “Oh, he’s okay,” G, says, “He likes our kids and has them over to dinner with us, but when it comes to day duty, like babysitting, he just figures he did enough with his own kids and doesn’t want to expend himself on the grandchildren.”

Expend. S and I defy expend. We travel and hour n half each way, three to four times a week to hang with DZ. It’s not looked at as a job. We see it as a wild adventure in DZ land. Of course it wears us down to the bone- but when he rests his hand on my knee after racing around outside in the park or in the backyard or just tearing around inside the house - and looks me in the eyes and simply says, “Love you Popso…” it melts me. It never happens when I ask him, “Do you love me DZ? Say it. Say you love me.” It just comes out casually. I know, I have earned his love. He relies on me to be there, to be a safe place – even if it’s just when he needs me. DZ is a very busy boy. He and S are practicing the alphabet, counting from 1 to 50 and also taking some French lessons online with images to help with the words. He loves butterflies. “Papillon!” he says to S.

I’m enjoying these summer days while I have a break from the madness. Sober sexy chick is still in Sun Valley with our Client and has kind of taken over my job. He’s still not drinking but she calls him ‘California Sober’ because he continues to smoke weed. Big surprise huh? She does not know him like I do. His drinking buddy, who I basically warned her was the Devil, is shitfaced every day again and lying about still being sober. ‘By the grace of Jesus Christ my Lord and Savior…’

She is beginning to see through the fake charm and manipulation. She texted me today that she wanted to kill him. I believe she is actively trying to get him out of our Client’s house. “Best of luck with that,” I say. He is the albatross around our Client’s neck and until he is uttering his favorite words, “Say bartender…” in whatever flame filled afterlife he arrives at, he will always be a daily burden to our Clients recovery.

I helped another close friend get his hell bent 20 year old, opioid addicted daughter safely out of a place in Europe to a rehab here in the States. We texted back n forth for 3 days straight while he went through the belly of the beast to save her. I can’t really elaborate but his fierce Lion’s love for her prevailed and I pray she sees enough light after her vicious detox to continue. I will be there for both of them 100 percent. I am most comfortable when I am being of service. I am committed to being present for the good, the bad and the ugly of it all. Suffer less. Help other’s suffer less. Who knew that would be ole’ D’s motto when he was cooking up another speedball back n’ the day and living in his favorite, ‘Dead Flowers’ song by the Stones. The roses of love acceptance and gratitude are alive in my life now and blooming every day.