Thank the Skunk

I was asleep on my back, in the middle of some bad dream and forced myself awake at 3:30 AM. As I fiddled the puddle of sweat on my chest with my fingers, the nightmare scenario faded away. I could not remember what-the-fuck, it was about but I instinctively knew the source was stress: stress about work, finances, age, relationships, health, the past, the future – all of it, all of that senior night sweat inducing bullshit. I went into the bathroom, splashed myself with some tap water, wiped my chest off with a towel and went back to bed. I did my decades old routine of repeating the third-step prayer like a mantra and drifted back to sleep.

I woke up at 7:05 AM feeling better but my mind was still fairly haunted. After my yerba mate tea and raisin toast with banana and nut butter, I did my morning meditation. It is a half hour mediation that I have done for decades and some days it breezes by like five minutes and other days it slogs on like five hours. This morning was the latter. I know exactly what to do. I have trained and trained and trained myself with continuous practice, to be in the moment, to detach from my mind, to let it all go and be one with consciousness. This morning my mind kept coming back and ruling me. Maybe it was the scene in some TV show S was watching where this ex-junkie, decided to team up with Satan again and slipped a dope filled syringe in his vein, while sitting in the bathtub. It was a lame depiction, which most of them are. I always criticize how they depict dope fiends on TV shows. Not much to be proud of – but I am perversely proud of it – being such a years-long pro back in the day. ‘ I can criticize when they get it wrong because I lived it! Ugh. So sad…anyway even though the scene was ultra contrived, the visual of the spike in the vein might have gotten to me.

I also have been so good at my job that my client doesn’t need my – guidance anymore. Financial fear creeping into my REM sleep. What else? I got pounded by head high waves at Colony earlier this week on a chilly, May-Gray morning. I managed to drop into a bomb left and hold onto my rail so I didn’t wipe out again – but after one hour in the water I was freezing cold, numb and checking my heart to see if it was still beating. How many more days do you think your ole’ body can handle that kind of beating, D? That fear be creepin’ into your sleeptime, dude. Hahha. Who knows what was happening or why – but I finished my mediation time without giving up as I always do. I made some coffee, grabbed my water thermos and headed to my late morning salvation at Leo Carrillo State Park.

Leo was glorious as usual. There were breaks in the marine layer where the turquoise and gold shined through. There was a soothing breeze. Twenty yards up the trail, I saw signs of summer coming: an orange furry spider and two shiny black darkling beetles, standing on their heads for me. They do that move for defense but I like to think they are showing off their acrobatic techniques for me.

Watch D! Headstands!

Good job! Nice to see you two!

I counted ten more Yuccas. I cradled thick purple sage buds. I saw a single butterfly Mariposa lily, showing off its soft white, pale brown and pink beauty. I watched a long, fat, translucent green lizard zip in front of me – but still – all the way to the top, my mind kept going, going, going… what about this, what about that, what for, why not, if only…arrrgh…

What is it gonna take! I pleaded with myself on the precipice, even when gazing out at the endless majestic pacific. I decided to try a fast jog back down the trail; the old, try to outrun my mind - that I used to do when I was a runner before the knee injuries – and that used to never work. What a joker I was, thinking that - but I picked up my pace anyway. I was moving pretty fast as I rounded a turn, with my head down, looking at the trail, looking at the dirt, looking at the pebbles, doing what I could to stay in the moment, in the moment, in the moment – and when I looked up I saw a big, healthy vibrant black and white furry, skunk running up the trail towards me. He had his head and his shiny nose pointed down to the trail also; maybe he had been chasing a lizard breakfast – but when he looked up and saw me, the skunk stopped dead in his tracks and his bushy tail went straight up.

D! Stop! Or I’m gonna have to skunk spray ya!

Got it! Skunks! Got it!

I skidded to a stop on the dirt gravel and backstepped as the skunk watched, tail still standing up in the air.

Sorry dude, it’s just instinct. Nothing personal – but well done on the back up.

I did not move a muscle. I stood still, admiring his up close beauty under the shining sun. He did a quick turn and ran off the trail, disappearing into the wild bush. I waited a good twenty seconds before I proceeded with my descent to the parking lot – and when I walked back down, I felt such an exhilaration that dissipated all my worried thoughts into the gentle wind. I had to yell it out to mother nature – because I guess that is what it took

Thank you Skunk! Thank you Skunk! Thank you Skunk!